Vikings fans don’t feel so chipper this morning after last night’s 42-10 loss to the boys from Brown County.
I get it. You’re not sure whether to jump off the Stone Arch Bridge, or start the morning with a double Bloody Mary. But don’t panic. Read this space—and then put your horns back on.
Do you think Jesse Ventura—our former Governor and world-class rassler—is feeling inferior to Packers fans today? Heck, no. No doubt Jesse is willing to wrestle all Wisconsin Governors—past and present—to show those Dairylanders who is boss.
The fact our ex-Governor could whip all of their leaders is a good prescription for feeling better, but why stop there? Yeah, Aaron Rodgers got lucky last night and threw three touchdown passes but our new guy, Teddy Bridgewater, is only 21 years old. When Rodgers is retired and living off the income from his annoying insurance commercials, “Touchdown Teddy” will still be lighting up the Pack.
And speaking of the Pack, let’s discuss these nicknames for the two teams. The original Vikings crossed the Atlantic centuries ago and discovered America. We’ve got the Kensington Runestone here in Minnesota to prove what the Vikings accomplished.
The Packers? Anyone can be a Packer. Pack cans…pack meat…pack clothes…blah-blah-blah. What was discovered in Wisconsin? 3.2 beer? Cheese hats? Maybe the polka?
Remember the 2009 NFL season when Brett Favre led the Vikings to two wins over the Packers? Well, he was the league’s best quarterback that year at age 40. He must have liked the water, or maybe it was our superior beer in Minnesota. And since grandpa Favre last played in the NFL for the Vikings—not the Packers or Jets—I figure we’ve got first call on him if he comes out of retirement.
Packers fans like to talk about the holy and ancient record of their football glory that includes 13 world championships and Hall of Fame heroes. There is, for example, a historical figure named Curly Lambeau—not a very inspiring football name—and, of course, “Saint Vince.” Now the thing about Vince Lombardi is he did win the first two Super Bowls but he also dumped you Green Bayites. He left the Packers to take over the—close your eyes Representative Betty McCollum—the Redskins.
Our legend is Harry Peter Grant. Bud is a smart guy. He had no choice to grow up in Wisconsin but guess what? He attended the University of Minnesota, played pro basketball for the Minneapolis Lakers and spent his entire NFL coaching career with the Vikings.
Grant lost four Super Bowls in the 1970s but that didn’t shake our collective self-esteem as Minnesotans. Not when Wendell Anderson, our Governor, was pictured on the cover of Time Magazine in 1973 with the caption: “The Good Life in Minnesota.” Wendy was holding a big fish on a stringer and we were, no doubt, making a lot of Wisconsin folks jealous.
We can not only play in Super Bowls but host them, too. Now when did you ever hear about Green Bay and Brown County putting in a bid to stage the Big Game?
You didn’t, and one reason for that is Green Bay is just a modest sized place with a population similar to Rochester, Minnesota and not a lot bigger than Bloomington. I mean how many motel rooms and tents could Green Bay make available for out of town Super Bowl guests?
We’re a pretty classy area here (not to boast or anything like that). Much of our workforce is employed by Fortune 500 companies who have also attracted Wisconsin “immigrants.” We probably have more live theatre per capita than any area other than New York City. We quote both Shakespeare and Sir Francis Tarkenton while Packers fans ice fish and watch reruns of “Grumpy Old Men” (filmed in Minnesota, by the way).
Even sportswriters in MSP are smart and creative. Legendary Minnesota columnist Don Riley once promised to get on his hands and knees to push a peanut with his nose between Green Bay and Appleton if the Vikings lost to the Packers. Never mind that he didn’t do it. What mattered to Riley was that he found another way to antagonize Packers fans whose city he always referred to as “Green Bush.”
Now that you’re feeling better, circle November 23 on the calendar. When the Packers come to Minneapolis, things are going to be different than last night. We have “Touchdown Teddy,” Cordarrelle Patterson—“The Silent Assassin,” and the ghosts of marauding Norsemen.
No more “Minnesota Nice.”