Ugh. I am trying to think of a synonym for ugh that’s appropriate for general audience readership. Otherwise, you will be reading the word more than either one of us cares to see it. The problem is I have been buying 2007 college football magazines, and Gopher fans please accept this as a warning: proceed with caution at your local newsstand.
I have been devouring college football magazines since Eisenhower was in the White House. The arrival of these publications on local newsstands in July and August has been a summer highlight for decades. Long ago I realized that kind of like pro wrestling, many of the storylines are pure hype but who cares when team rankings, conference predictions, schedules and all-America teams pump you up like an over-time win against a bitter rival.
From a provincial perspective here in Gopherland, this year’s crop of magazines isn’t one to save for the grandchildren. In fact citizens of Gopher Nation should only read these publications if they have normal blood pressure and advanced training in anger management.
So here we go–out with the truth, no matter how painful. The Gophers who, despite returning 15 of 22 starters, are a popular choice to finish last in the Big Ten Conference. They were 6-7 overall last season, 3-5 in the conference. The publications don’t like the quarterback situation (no experienced returnee) and believe mastering the new spread offense will be a challenge. Double ugh.
Our hated rivals to the east (novices, listen up, we’re talking Wisconsin Badgers) have been darn good for some time, winning more games than any Big Ten school in the last three years, according to Street and Smith’s college football magazine. Now the Badgers are supposed to be gaudy good as in ranked No. 3 in the country by Street and Smith’s, plus Big Ten favorites and contenders for a national championship.
The Good Book says to love our neighbors. I am not completely aligned with that but I do hope Iowa beats the brains out of Bucky this fall. God knows, we love Iowa, right?
Even those mildly educated about college football magazines recognize the name Street and Smith’s. I grew up on Street and Smith’s annual college football magazine. Seems like I read it forward, backward and even upside down from the backseat of the car on family vacations. Every year there was some highly hyped golden boy on the cover, more often than not from Ohio State. For years the players posed wearing helmets with no face bar, and they looked weird even in the 1950s.
Now take a deep breath and flash to the present! Imagine the angst picking up a 2007 collector’s issue of Street and Smith’s with an Ohio State cover boy, sans face bar, whose name is James Laurinaitis. Yup, that’s the kid from Wayzata High School who we thought was going to be a Gopher, who became a Buckeye and is now an all-America. A junior all-America, no less. Allow a quadruple ugh, please!
Laurinaitis is kept company on pre-season all-America teams by tight end John Carlson of Notre Dame. Yes, that John Carlson from Litchfield, Minnesota.
Done with the ughs. Damn!