Let’s not be too serious in July, nine weeks before the Big Ten Conference football season starts on September 29. Agree?
Okay, then here are 12 “friendly” questions or comments for the Big Ten football coaches that Sports Headliners might have asked if we could afford bus fare to Chicago for the conference’s media days this week:
Tim Beckman, Illinois: You might be the best coach in the Big Ten but nobody up here ever heard of you.
Bret Bielema, Wisconsin: Do you still have Tim Brewster’s phone number on speed dial?
Mark Dantonio, Michigan State: The Spartans have enjoyed consecutive 11 win seasons in 2010 and 2011 but every time I see you on TV you look miserable. What’s up?
Kirk Ferentz, Iowa: How do you make nearly $4 million per year and lose two in a row to Minnesota?
Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern: If Notre Dame calls, take the first bus out of Evanston bound for South Bend.
Danny Hope, Purdue: Puh-leeze, ditch the moustache (and win some games).
Brady Hoke, Michigan: Ever heard of the Little Brown Jug?
Jerry Kill, Minnesota: Did you know Sid Hartman didn’t attend college and could be eligible to become the first 92-year-old punter in college football history?
Urban Meyer, Ohio State: I am waiving a white surrender flag from Minnesota on behalf of the 11 other programs in the Big Ten. Can you see it in Columbus?
Bill O’Brien, Penn State: Happy Valley is no more. Good luck coach, and please send the Governor’s Victory Bell to Dinkytown. Norwood Teague will pick up the shipping charges.
Bo Pelini, Nebraska: Hate to break the news, but these are not Tom Osborne’s Huskers.
Kevin Wilson, Indiana: I can’t wait for IU basketball season to start. How about you?