“Breaking News:” At Last Minute Writing This Week

 

So, here’s the deal, boys and girls.  I wasn’t going to write this week but just couldn’t help offering up a Fourth of July Week special to add merriment to your celebration.

Yes, this column is written mostly tongue-in-cheek.  For younger readers not familiar with the term, I am writing in a playful, hopefully humorous manner.  BTW I don’t mind exchanging old and new vocabulary with teens who these days say “body count” refers to how many people you have slept with.

(For those responding with their “body count,” be assured your total is kept secret here).

Usually, I write a sports trivia questions column around Fourth of July time.  Not so this year but I can’t help typing just one of my favorites from the past:

Who is the only person ever to play for the Twins and Vikings?  (Mull it over, and after you have an answer or give up, scroll to the bottom of the column for the answer. Hint: the answer is a real “groaner.”)

America will celebrate its 250th anniversary next year.  I am not that old, but my golf game feels like it.

In the spirit of self-defense, I report a nearly three-month struggle with back issues, sometimes rising to excruciating pain. My journey includes numerous physical therapy and chiro sessions and sit-downs with back surgeons. And I can’t leave out an epidural shot with a needle so close to a nerve that it just about shot me off the table.

The misery has at times been so bad some might want me to suggest this attitude: “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”

Hmm! (Not so sure about that).

Now I relate this saga not expecting pity or even sympathy.  Because I am among the skeptics who believe most people aren’t that interested you are hurting.  And the rest are glad you’re suffering!  Ha!

But cut my golf game a little slack because it feels like I never played before.  Just remember: “There’s always the 19^th hole.”

Don’t know if you’re planning to watch fireworks this year or staying at home.  One crazy thing I’ve noted over the years from asking people about fireworks watching is it seems like everyone claims a great view from the roof at their house! Use the ladder at your own peril!

While my ark remains in the garage, I see the weather forecast indicates sunny days for a change.  This could prompt my first trip to the car wash in 2025.  I am debating whether to visit the most expensive and complicated of locations.  Last year the directions for a wash selection could only be understood by geeks and AI entities.

So, that could be me driving around town this week in a clean car and reminiscing about all kinds of things you couldn’t even imagine.  Example: maybe I will drive by a workplace from long ago that once prompted this remark from my young son Joel who was out for a ride with dad, mom and brother: “Look dad, there’s the place that gives you nightmares!”

That workplace never gave me an award but later a Bloomington-based company did honor me, David John Shama.  The nameplate on the award recognized David S. Shama.

This is an anniversary week celebration for my wife and me. It’s also my wife’s birthday.  We enjoyed dinner at a nice restaurant, and I am grateful to have escaped with a total bill of under (barely) $200!

We also celebrated with a Lake Minnetonka dinner cruise.  The boat captain was a man of good humor, announcing at the end of the cruise to check on eBay in an hour for any personal items lost on the boat. He encouraged “bidding” for retrieval.

Enjoy your Fourth of July Week.  Remember, though, charcoal grills and processed foods are bad; alcohol is poison and sugar is the devil.  Otherwise, enjoy your water and vegetables.

Remember these heartfelt words: Love America and appreciate this great Republic that so many sacrificed for to make it the envy of the world.  Stand up for the U.S.A.!

Trivia answer: The only person ever to play for the Twins and Vikings was the stadium organist. (Groan!)